Pirates of the Konohabbean
by ImoOzzi
Summary: Naruto, son of the Govenor of Port Konoha, will always look back on the day that he was saved from drowning by infamous pirate Sasuke Uchiha... as the very, very worst day in the history of his life. [CRACK, pirate!fic, SasuNaru]


_**Pairing**: SasuNaru, and Sakura/Hand (meaning that she/it never gets anything but her/it's own hand, see? Giggle immaturely at our potty humour). _

_**Disclaimer:** If we owned Naruto, Itachi would have a fourteen-inch-long dick and fuck Sasuke's brains out with it. Quite obviously, it is a good thing we do not, because we cannot draw for shit._

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_"It's an infinite game of cat and mouse, and you can never really tell which one you are._"  
- (modified) excerpt from Imo's fan fiction. 'Atlas' (shameless self-promotion)

* * *

**I**t wasn't too crisp out in the winter air for the child out on deck to refrain from singing, or perhaps his little song was due to the fact he had rather bright personality, when it came down to it. It couldn't have been more than past nine that night, and in retrospect, the child will see that as the day everything went to hell.

A light voice filled the air at the starboard side of a rather large ship, and continued to sing. "Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for me!" Small hands wrapped around a lantern as their owner's face peeked over the rail of a ship, staring into the limitless black abyss that was the ocean at night.

A young man, with a haunting glint in his eye, snuck up behind the owner of said voice. He glanced down at the small child, and gave him a grim face, "Aye, 'tis not wise to be singing a song like that 'round 'ere."

"Why not?" The blond child set the lantern down on the deck of the ship and crossed his arms, peering obstinately up at the first mate of his father's ship. He was rather small for his age, looking about four or five when he was, in fact, eight.

The silver-haired man patted the boy on the head, "The thing is.. These water's are curse with the mark of pirates. 'Tis very dangerous, out here.." His eyes looked out towards the sea, his face searching.

The child snorted. "Even if there is, daddy will protect me, right?" At eight, there was nothing more omnipotent in his mind than his father, Governor Jiraiya Uzumaki. The man, Jiraiya, was a built man; a sturdy, unwavering frame. His dark eyes showed that he was in hold of power, and his face was strong.

Aforementioned man appeared, like a ghost, behind the two, and gave the boy a look, "All I can promise," he started, shooing the silver-haired man- Kakashi- away, "is that any pirate I meet will enjoy a short drop, and a sudden stop." He had chosen his words wisely, as if to not scare the young boy.

Nodding as if he actually understood, the child moved to hug his father around the legs. "Look at the stars out here, daddy. Aren't they pretty?"

He looked up, as well; noticing that the full moon's pale radiance shone shamelessly amidst the sky. He gave a tiny smile, and ran a hair through his son's hair; which was growing quite long. That needed to be cut, before the boy looked too shaggy.

It was then, when he smelled something that shouldn't quite be there. It was the ghastly, cloying scent of burning, and death.

The boy beside him stiffened and Jiraiya glanced out to the sea, eyebrows drawn into a 'v'. 'Damn pirates at work again.' True enough, like a beacon on the dark waters, he could see the silhouette of an aflame ship. "Dammit," the man cursed, swiftly leaving the side of his son. He turned to his ship and crew, who were standing there; transfixed on the sight before them. With an angered tone, he began to shout orders at them. He turned to Kakashi, "We'll go down, and search for survivors."

The grey-haired man nodded, sweeping past him and patting Jiraiya's son on the back before heading off to fix the small boat they would be using.

The blond's eyes were a bit wide, but he wasn't too afraid. Most of his fear was for the people aboard the ship. He quietly stared down into the dark abyss.

"Daddy!" He cried, as his eyes fell apon a spread-eagle figure lying on a plank of wood. "There's someone out there! Save them!"

Jiraiya looked overboard, and indeed, there was a tiny figure aboard a flank of what seemed to be the ship. His eyes widened, and he shouted, "Up on starboard, man overboard!"

The blond child clung to the rail of the ship as he watched his father and another man descend down and retrieve the person lying afloat in the water. He leaned over just a bit too far and would have fallen into the sea himself, had Kakashi not plucked him back in neatly.

"Naruto," the first mate warned, "One o' these days, you're gonna' fall in and no-one's gonna' be there to save ya'. I've gotta' job to do, so try to stay on board, huh?"

"Yes, Mr. Kakashi," Naruto mumbled, his head bowing. He looked over again, more carefully so, and noticed that they had gotten the boy. And after looking over his vitals, his father nodded to the crewmen looking over.

That was followed by a scramble to help the two men bring the unconscious child aboard.

Watching, fascinated, the blond noted that it was a small boy, like himself, who'd been hauled up. Water-soaked black hair was held back in a long braid and dark eyelashes sealed the eyelids to, no doubt, as-dark eyes. He was clothed in nothing to fancy, so perhaps the ship had been a merchant's? He rushed over to his father, who had lain the boy on a chest. Jiraiya looked down at his son, who was gazing at the boy curiously.

"Naruto, I want you to watch over him," Jiraiya stated, waiting until the blond nodded to continue, "When he awakens, I need to you to call me for an interrogation." He walked away when the blond gave a faint nod, and a smile.

After a few moments of silence had passed,Naruto edged closer to the unconscious child, but slowly, as if he would wake up at the slightest disturbance. His small hand reached out and touched the cheek of their rescuee. The blond shivered. So cold. He'd hate to be in the ocean on a night like this.

His eyes widened when he saw the glimmer of something -gold- on the other boy's neck. What if- what if he was a pirate? Didn't pirates have gold? With fumbling, nearly-fearful fingers, he managed to pull a golden chain and a... oh god... Mr. Kakashi said swastikas were the mark of pirates, didn't he?

But... The boy looked so innocent. Naruto couldn't let his father kill him! Slowly, he removed the item from the boy's neck; sighing with relief as he did so. It was as though he had just saved a life.

And just as he was about to step away, a freezing cold hand grasped his wrist. Naruto jumped, and almost screamed, if not for the horrendous look of fear in the brunette's eyes.

"What's your name," Naruto asked softly, having regained all of his courage back. The pale boy paused for a moment, as if to mull the question over, before whispering his answer.

"Neji Hyuuga. Your's?"

"Naruto Uzumaki," Naruto smiled in a shy manner; he was still not used to greeting strangers. But before he could say anything else, Neji had slipped yet again into unconsciousness

The blond nearly jumped when he heard his father's deep voice. "Naruto, is he up?"

Naruto shook his tiny head, his golden locks swishing gently in the night's air, "Not anymore. But," he added, "his name is Neji.."

The white-haired man nodded. "Thanks, Naruto, for watching him. I think we'll take him now, huh?"

Naruto shook his head, and then turned to his father before he brought the boy any further, "Just, be careful with him.. Okay?"

Jiraiya smiled at his son and replied, "Wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

_**The Pre-Story Story To How Things Got Fucked Up**_

* * *

Reminiscing over said dream, he remembered the necklace that had long since forgotten. He quietly padded his way over to his desk, and opened the top drawer. Underneath the padding, lay a small necklace, which had collected a fair amount of dust over the years. Naruto smiled at it. He picked it up with slender fingers and began to string it over his neck.

"Naruto! You up yet?" He jumped upon hearing his father's voice, and a strong rapping on the door. "I need you to pose for one of my paintings!"

Naruto spluttered, before giving an indignant yelp. He fumbled to hide the gold pendant under his nightshirt, and pulled on an overcoat, "Erm, one moment!"

"Naruto," Jiraiya's exasperated voice rang out loud and clear. The blond could almost imagine him putting his hand on his hip. "You're my son. And a man. We don't have anything to hide from each-other. I'm coming in."

"Fine," Naruto huffed, sighing dramatically. He smiled, though, at his ability to have hidden a thing like this from his father for so many years.

A few maids scurried in after him, opening the blinds to reveal a beautiful, warm day. Naruto had to blink a few times, his eyes finding it painfully difficult to adjust to the sudden outburst of light.

"I've got surprise for you," The elder man announced, broad chest puffed out. It almost made Naruto self-conscious in a way; he was so... tiny.

Ignoring his random bout of insecurity, he gave his father a suspicious eye, "A surprise? As in, some perverted scheme of yours?"

The governor grinned. "Yes..." He brandished to an awful looking contraption, some sort of tube with laces, held by one maid. "The newest fashion in London, dear. And it's perfect for you. I need you to pose for Kiss-Kiss again, 'kay?"

Naruto whined, his slim body slouching in an unsightly fashion, "You're such a prat, father. Have you ever thought about buying me things, for the sake of love?" Naruto made a dramatic gesture; and all the while, he was being primped, and dressed, by the maids.

His pouting was forgotten instantly, however, as one servant slipped that tubed contraption around him, and suddenly, he found it hard to breath. "F-Father?"

"Yes, my son," Jiraiya said off-handedly, not really paying attention to his wheezing son.

Naruto felt sick. The stiff cloth and ribbing forced his stomach back and up, and pulled his small waist into an even tinier diameter. "W-what is this?"

"Ah," Jiraiya smirked, "It's a corset. It'll make you look slimmer." He chuckled lightly at the offended look that marred his son's twitching face.

Naruto paled. "Where did you say women wore these, again?" He could almost feel his stomach rising up in his throat.

Jiraiya smirked, and tapped his cheek in contemplation, "This is from England, but there are many ones from all over the world. There's Singapore, and oh! The ladies there--" Naruto tuned out the rest of the man's perverted rant; focusing mainly on the current trouble. The trouble being, he can't breathe.

Cerulean eyes bugging out almost comically, the blond gasped, "Take it off!"

The white-haired pervert laughed heartily, "Nuh-uh," he shook his head, "Be a man, Naruto. Can you not even fend off pain for a bit?"

Naruto could barely draw in breath- how in the seven hells did his father expect him to respond?! He settled for glaring and feeling quite light-headed as the maids attached a hoop skirt, petticoats, and finally, a voluminous pink ballroom dress onto him.

"Oh," the man cooed, "You're simply adorable, Naru!"

Seeing as the boy couldn't respond, he thinned his lips and concentrated on drawing what breath he could. He glanced down to his chest and made sure his fake bosom was properly positioned. He heard Jiraiya chuckle, and his eyebrow twitched.

Sending his lecherous father another heated glare, he painfully scurried his way over to the full-body mirror that lay but a few feet away. He observed his tiny self in the mirror; winking, and blowing kisses to himself. His tanned face stood out gorgeously with the flushed pink of the dress. His blond hair seemed to stand out even more, and Naruto had to smile. He was damn fine.

Never mind that he was dressing in drag- he was still _fine_. His father often did this, dragging him out of the house and saying that Naruto was actually Jiraiya's niece. It worked quite well; Naruto was extremely feminine in looks and the Governor was high-ranked enough that no-one questioned it.

Jiraiya smiled at his son, and extended a large hand towards the blond, "Ready?"

Naruto sent him a playful glare, before taking the man's hand, "As long as I can retain consciousness."

* * *

It was a lovely day indeed, Captain Sasuke Uchiha decided.

His stood, defiantly, atop his tiny boat. But, he noticed, something was awry. Ah, yes, he looked down, that must be it...

His tiny boat was leaking water in.

He hopped off of the mast, and into the rapidly-filling vessel. In a strange sort of dance, he frantically searched for something to relieve the boat of its leak.

Ah, his hat could do the task quite nicely, but his hat was Sacred. Oh, that bucket over there would work just fine.

Smirking at his amazing find, he grabbed the wooden pail; hunching over, and grabbing a bucketful of water. He carelessly tossed it over the side, and repeated this ministrations repeatedly. And, as the water lessened tremendously, he gave himself an inward pat on the back. What a bloody genius, he was. He returned to his rightful perch atop the mast, and scouted for land. Oh, there it was. A dock. Lovely-cakes. Surveying the dock briefly, he observed many ships; all his, for the taking. And, that idea made him forget all about the fact that he was slowly going down with the ship. Literally.

He glanced down for a moment and scowled. Bloody boat. Could it not stay afloat for half a second?!

It was a useless piece of trash, anyway. Sasuke shrugged it off, and set his dark eyes for the dock; all the while, praying desperately that the ship didn't sink before then. And, his prayers were answered. Aside from the odd stares from the people around him, hanging off of their ships, the raven-haired man thought himself the epitome of awesome as he gallantly made it to the dock; stepping onto the dock from the tip of his boat with a happy clank. He smiled to himself.

Now to go and commandeer some poor, unsuspecting chap's ship. But before the man could stroll his suave self away, he was stopped by an uptight-looking man. His eyes were wide, and a bit fearful of the Uchiha, but he spoke nonetheless, "One schilling to park here, sire. And your name as well."

Sasuke smirked, "How's about three schillings, and the name goes forgotten. Savvy?" He shot the man his sexiest smirk he could muster, his left eyebrow rising fractionally.

The man nodded, dumbstruck, and the Captain slapped down a few coins on the man's desk, before walking a few feet and swiping a rather heavy bag of money from the opposite end. He was so good, the man didn't even notice. He hummed a quiet tune to himself as he strolled his way around the docks; all the while, in a secret hunt for the ship that he was to commandeer. His grin brightened considerably as his eyes fell upon an admiral beauty of a ship.

He'd take it.

There was one problem- those Royal Navy dolts.

Now, Sasuke sometimes didn't seem it, but he was the wittiest person he could think of. All his time spent at seas were not in vain, but, to his triumph. All of his miscreant adventures had made him practically the king of fooling the fools. So, putting on his poker face, he slowly made his way towards the guards.

"Right nice day it is here, eh?" He called out, raising a hand in greeting to the two fat, dumpling-ish guards. 'And what a right nice ship, too.'"Erm-" they both fidgeted, before looking up, "I would believe so," the one on the right stated, his sausage-fingers shielding his eyes from the sun.

Sasuke widened his rather charming grin and replied, "So I take it you two fine fellows have been delegated to guard this magnificent vessel." Laying it on thick never failed to garner him some favour, after all.

They gave him a dumbstruck look, and Sasuke felt a twitch coming on, "Hello," he sang, "are you two chaps alright up there?"

"U-uh..." The fellow on the left stuttered for a moment. An elbow in the ribs from his comrade aided that. "Yeah, we are guarding this ship. We were the only two allowed away from the promotion of Commodore Sakura Haruno for it." He stuck his chest out in an incredibly obvious gesture of pride.

"Ah, is that so," Sasuke raised his fine eyebrows in mock-awe, "Well, then, you two must be prime examples of men. But," he added, suddenly frowning, "would you care to help a civilian out?" He gave them a tiny smile.

The smaller -by a tiny margin, mind you- guard on the left nodded, face pasty. "What'd we have to do?"

"I happened to notice, that you two are guarding this lanky, god-awful ship," Sasuke waved to the vessel behind them, "when there is a finer, more powerful-looking vessel to that docking." And he threw his hands over their heads and over to the larger, more ornate boat.

"The question is, why are you wasting your time over here?"

"Well, it's quite simple," the fatter one nodded, "Right, mate?" He elbowed the other in the ribs, again. The other jumped before nodding, "This ship is the fastest one known to man."

Sasuke 'hmmed'. "But, doesn't that lovely over there look like the more likely one to be stolen? I mean, if I was like to steal a boat the likes of which which looked like that," he congratulated himself inwardly on his confusing soliloquy, "I think I wouldn't take a look at such a measly ship as this one here." He edged past the guards and patted the hull of said ship.

"Not so fast," both guards grabbed Sasuke's shoulders, and the ravenette silently cursed, "You can't go there.."

"And, is there any reason why I cannot go to said spot?"

"Like we already says," The skinnier one scowled, "It's the fastest one ever."

"Ah," Sasuke put his index finger's to both men's lips, "I believe I know of a faster one," he nodded in an excited fashion, and the men tentatively moved in closer, "The Mangekyou."

The fat one frowned. "B-but that's a myth, innit?"

The skinnier one gave the other an incredulous look, "No, it isn't. I seen it with my own two eyes!"

Sasuke nodded, patting the plump guard on the back. "Sees? Your buddy knows what he's talkin' about, savvy?"

The fatter one ignored the pirate, and gave his partner a dubious look, "You've seen the ship, run by the damned. A ship so evil, the sea spat it out. With a captain, so evil, the the Devil himself quivers before him. With sails so red, it puts blood to shame?"

The skinny one frowned. "Well, maybe, not exactly... But it was still the Mangekyou!"

"Gentleman, gentleman," Sasuke broke in, "Let's not argue about semantics, shall we? This is..." He struggled for a large word that didn't have to fit into the situation, because the idiots wouldn't understand it, "Logistically the same thing."

"What are you talking about?" the fatter man hissed. Sasuke took an instinctive step back, his eyes widening strangely.

"Why, I mean that there's no point in guarding this ship if there's a faster one out there!" The Captain broke out in an infectious grin.

"Eh-wot?" the two turned to each-other, but before they could interrogate the man, he had disappeared before their eyes.

"Thank you, gentlemen, and have a nice day!" Sasuke appeared on the ship's deck, drawing up the rope to leave. He removed his hat and placed it upon his broad chest, bowing. "I much appreciate the gesture of kindness you have shown to me. As much as I lament it, I must be-" His dramatic exit came to an early finale as a woman in full ball regalia came sweeping down from the cliff above him. He turned to the guards and raised his eyebrow. "You gonna get that?"

"Um, I can't swim," the skinnier mumbled, bowing his head. The other nodded, and gave a sheepish laugh. Sasuke rolled his eyes, and began to strip himself of his effects.

"Do not," Sasuke warned, taking off even more equipment and tossing them to the two men, "and I repeat _do not_ lose these."

And with that, he jumped off the side of the boat, executing a perfect swan dive. His clothes were heavy, but he didn't mind in the least bit. Because he had a damsel-in-distress to save. If he were lucky, he'd get some shag in the process. He didn't go for women, but it was incredibly difficult to find a good bed-buddy these days, so he had to take what he could get. He swam down to a spot of pink that he saw on the bay floor, and thanked his lucky stars that this part of the ocean wasn't very deep.

_'If she's dead, and I don't get my cannons released.. There will be hell to pay,' _the captain thought with a sour expression, as he swam his fastest. He grabbed the slim figure by the hips, holding it up by the hips. Struggling ever-so-slightly, Sasuke swam his way to top. But, something pulled him down; and he cast a second glance at the lady. He mentally berated himself for his foolishness, and relieved her of the dead-weight that was her pink dress.

Gasping for breath, he slapped the slim woman down upon the docks and attempted to catch his breath, gesturing to the two dolts to check her heart rate.

"She's not breathing," the fat one stated, his eyes widening.

Jack sighed. _'Never gonna get my shag now...'_ "Have you tried removing the corset?" He asked, patiently, as if the two were children.

The two men blushed, and began to stutter and fluster about.

Sasuke pinched his nose. "Do you want me to do it?" The Captain asked, inwardly ranting, '_Boobies, boobies, boobies!'_

He dropped down in front of the beautiful entity before him, and took out a small knife that rested, all but forgotten, in the Uchiha's breast pocket. Smiling at the potential sight of breasts, he tore open the corset. And as soon as he did, closed eyes opened wide, revealing beautiful azure orbs. The figure coughed violently, before resting again on her back.

"How did you know to do that?" The guard gave him a confused look. Sasuke didn't even look up, "Well, you've clearly never been to Singapore, mate."

Sasuke gazed intently at the body before him, still gasping for the much-needed air. His eyes slowly traveled downward, towards the chest. And just as Sasuke was going to cop a sight, he noticed a glowing gold item before him. "Where did you get that?" He asked, large hand snaking out to grab it. But before the tanned blond could answer, a sword was pressed before the ravenette's face. He stared down at it, confused as to where it came, before his eyes traveled upwards; in an amused fashion.

He almost jumped upon seeing the most god-awful, hideous-looking man in the history of atrociousness. A double chin complemented quite horribly sickly green eyes, and, of all thing, pink hair. This man looked like something out of a bad trip- and Sasuke had had enough of those to know.

"Erm, 'ello, lovely," Sasuke smiled against his inner-self, who was telling him to laugh at the thing. But, he hadn't the heart. After all, Sasuke was a charmer.

The monstrosity peered down it's too-sharp nose, glancing from Sasuke to the blond woman, and back. "Step away from Governor Jiraiya's niece, miscreant."

"Pardon me dearly." Sasuke bowed, moving away from the monster. He watched as a large, well-built white-haired man rushed up to, Sasuke assumed, his niece, shooting glares every-which-way. "Na-," the man visibly stumbled, and the captain narrowed his eyes. "Miranda, why did you fall off of the rail?!"

But, remembering his reason for saving the girl, he turned to the man, "Pardon, but I reckon I can answer that one, fine sir. To put it bluntly, she couldn't breathe," Sasuke offered the man a smile, who only shot him a suspicious look. The ravenette was a bit taken aback, but his face portrayed no waver.

The hideousness turned face him and he had to refrain from flinching at the sheer ugliness. "Well," It began, "I suppose I must thank you for saving Ms. Uzumaki."

"Oh, 'twas nothin', mate," Sasuke waved his hands lazily, tilting his gorgeous face in the air; the fakest smile plastered on his face.

"May I do you the honour of a handshake?" The monster inquired, surprisingly civil.

Hesitating a bit, Sasuke slowly held his hand out towards the thing. But before they could engage in any sort of hand-motioning contact, the opposing person's hand grabbed the ravenette's wrist. Sasuke hissed, and then cursed himself for his stupidity, as his three-tomoe pirates' tattoo was revealed.

"Well, well, well," It began, a saccharinely sweet smile apon its face. "Looks like we've got a criminal on our hands." The grin dropped off in an instant, and it remarked, "Kill him."

And suddenly, the blond remembered that she was alive; for she suddenly shot up, and stood in front of the now-leering ravenette, "Honesty, Sakura," the blond began, "You really don't intend to kill my savior?" Sasuke's eyes widened in surprise.

"In all due respect," Sakura leveled a stare with 'Miranda', "Ms. Uzumaki, you have no choice in the matter."

"Now," Sasuke piped in, "that's not too nice. She's a respectable lady, you shouldn't dishonour her pride like that." He shot a glare at the pink blob, who was staring intently at him.

The blond woman -'Miranda'- stood and, for the first time, her presumed uncle noted her state of undress.

The white-haired man looked distressed, "No corset, no dress!" He was gaping in a comical manner.

"Why, yes, sire," Sasuke supplied readily. "She couldn't breath so I was naturally obliged to help such a fair damsel as herself."

After hearing the man's testimonial, he turned a suspicious eye to the Uchiha. "And who, dare I ask, might you be?"

"Well, since I've already been outed as a pirate, might as well continue." He grinned happily. "I Captain Uchiha Sasuke."

The thing- Sakura- smirked wildly, "Ah, the infamous Sasuke." He turned to the Governor, who was still scrutinizing the ravenette.

And then, from seemingly out of nowhere, the two guards were in front of the thing of questionable gender, "These, are his effects," they stated simultaneously, beaming as if they had done some incredible feat.

Sasuke's eyes widened, and he jumped for his things with a longing stare. "Mine!" Before he could move again, however, and retrieve his hat, they were taken away and he felt just a bit of his heart shatter.

"Sakura" sneered and took them away. "A compass that, oh, what a surprise, doesn't read north!... A stone knife... And pistol with one shot in it." It looked up. "My god, you are the worst pirate I have ever seen."

Sasuke smirked, beside himself, "But, aren't I a spectacle to behold!"

It scowled, then sang, "Kill him!"

They held guns towards the ravenette, who, with a sneering smirk on his face, trapped the blond in his arms. "A-a-aaah!" He smirked, snatching his pistol back from "Sakura" with lightening-speed, and holding it against the woman's temple.

"Hold your fire!" The man, presumably Jiraiya, yelled.

"Finally," Sasuke sighed with relief, "I knew we'd be getting along soon enough. And, if I must say, this was is just peachy keen," and his face suddenly turned serious, "Commodore, my effects; please."

Jiraiya nodded towards "Sakura" and it grudgingly supplied the hat

and all other inanimate entourage that Sasuke carried with him. Sasuke almost jumped with glee when he got his hat back. But, he felt that he should tease some, and use others. A head with the darkest locks of hair turned suggestively towards the blond currently being held hostage.

"If you wouldn't mind, _Miranda_, was it?" Sasuke stated the name in a tone that almost suggested that he knew the truth.

The little woman stiffened. "What do you want?" Her voice was quavering. Perfect-o.

"Oh, nothing too much, hon. I just want you to help dress me, savvy?"

She turned about, scowling. "And why should I help you do that?" Sasuke hesitated for a moment, staring at her full lips, before his gaze trickled down to something far more... appealing.

"Well, the answer's quite simple," Sasuke stated, his eyes never leaving their resting points, "I have a gun pointed to your gorgeous little head." He almost felt bad when he felt her tremble in fear, and she snatched the hat from his large hands before slamming it down upon his dread locked hair. But, Sasuke wasn't one for pity. He was a bloody pirate, for Pete's sake. You know, a scalawag, a marauder! He came back to his senses as he felt thin arms encircle his. Ah, she was putting on his belt. he leaned his head on her shoulder, and gave a smirk at the now-fuming Sakura.

"Is that all?" The luscious little woman asked, eyes furious but her pulse beating a different story.

"Depends on how willing you are to that statement, love," Sasuke looked her up and down, his obsidian eyes taking in the pure gorgeousness in front of him.

She thinned her lips -not that it did much good; they were plump anyhow. "Meaning, sir?"

But before he could make his pass, an angered bellow erupted from behind them. Sasuke looked up to see the Commodore, charging at them with a monstrous look in its eyes. The Captain knew when to stop. He pushed the woman away, and dodged the oncoming attack from the pink blob.

"Now, now, no need to get angry!" Sasuke held his hands in front of him defensively.

"Now," Jiraiya started, "You can shoot him.."

Sasuke scowled. What should he do? His eyes darted about, and he smirked apon seeing a set of ropes on a ship nearby. In record time, he sprinted towards them, somehow avoiding gunfire all the while. The Captain shot a dazzling grin before speaking again. "But alas, our bonding time," he winked at the blond, and the pink-haired person, "has been cut short. But, you can proudly declare that this was the day you almost captured Captain Sasuke Uchiha!"

Jiraiya sighed, watching the man flee. "Guns down." He opened his arms to Naruto, who looked near to crying. "Let's get you home, huh?" He embraced the waterlogged boy, thanking his lucky stars that he was okay.

* * *

"Where'd you say you saw him, Milton?"

"Bloody hell, chap, I never said anything' about no pirate!"

"'Insinuating' I was lying'?"

"'Exactly what I was about to say!"

A half-a-dozen guards marched their ways by a blacksmith statue, oblivious that their prey stand silently behind it. The witty man leaped out when they were out of distance, and let out a hefty sigh. He had been lucky to get this far, and he needed to take cover soon, before he got captured. His eyes darted about, searching for a possibly place of refuge, and grinned when he came upon the abandoned-looking blacksmith shop next to him. Bloody hell, was he ever brilliant.

With his ego full to burst, he marched into the shop. It was tiny, and reeked of some odor; but, Sasuke had smelled worse. Upon walking in further, he noticed a man, who was sleeping soundly on a chair, bottle of rum clenched tightly in his hand. Eyes widened, and he padded his way over.

He tapped the man on the shoulder, no sudden awakening. "Boo," he shouted, and leaned back to study the man's features. And, as a final experiment, he turned back to the man and screamed, "Oh my bloody hell, this roof is on fire!" Nothing. Sasuke smiled.

The grin dropped off his face like a dead fly as he heard someone enter, and his eyes ran over the blacksmith's workshop. No place to exit that he could see... He was screwed.

* * *

Hyuuga Neji was tired. He was tired of his boss getting drunk and leaving all the work to him. He was tired of working day in, day out, in back-breaking labour and getting no recognition for it, because his bloody hell drunkard employer got all the damn credit.

To put it simply, he was fed-up, and pissed. Which is why he instinctively reached for his sword when he heard something go 'tinkle'. "Who's there?" the Hyuuga muttered, his eyes flashing angrily. He was in no mood for any punk, or any one, for that matter.

Someone, a silhouette of a tall, broad man, walked towards him."C'mon, kid. I'm a bloody pirate. You don't want to waste your life, okay?"

"You," Neji hissed, "You're that guy that they're looking for. Well," Neji started, pointing his sword towards the man, "too bad I'm not in the mood to acquiesce to your request."

The pirate sighed, putting his hand towards his own sword. "C'mon, kid. It's not wise to cross swords with a pirate." He looked the boy up and down. "Especially a pirate who's bigger than you. Just let me get out of here, and be on my merry way."

"I cannot do that," he repeated, "I heard you threatened Nar- Miranda."

Sasuke's eyebrows drew together, and he cocked one hand on his hip. "What is with everyone stuttering with 'Na' before saying 'Miranda'? Almost makes you think they were two different people or something... But enough of that. She's friends with you, eh? And he was I was beginning to wonder if you were a eunuch."

Neji gave him a flat look, "And what in the world inclined you to believe that?"

"Well, anyone willing to work here," The Captain gestured about the dimly-lit workshop, "and putting up working for him," One large finger pointed to the drunken man in the corner of the room, "must have no love life, or be incapable of a love life. Savvy?"

That was it. Neji attacked, his sword aimed at the man's head.

"Now I _said_ it's unwise to cross swords with a pirate." Sasuke sighed melodramatically, parrying with ease. "What is it with the youths of today and wanting to be all..." He spun about a post, dodging a strike that would have gone straight through his liver, "Aggressive?" He cocked an eyebrow, in what he thought was quite the dashing manner. His opponent, however, apparently disagreed.

"It's simple," Neji hissed, "I don't enjoy pirates. To bring you up to par abit, my father was killed by those bastards." He aimed another blow at the ravenette, his eyes raging.

Sasuke smiled, "Ah, really? Well, lad, give me your name, and it'll go on the big list all pirates have of those they've offended." Their weapons clanged together, and the Captain rolled before jumping from a barrel onto the rafters. "You see, love, no-one really cares."

Neji was now seething, his face twisting in a vile sense, "Good for them. 'Twas not my fate to be intertwined with these pigs," he spat.

"Once again, not a single pirate will care if you call them a pig." Sasuke watched as the boy climbed up, lightening fast. The two resumed their duel. "Because they know it's true. Save your breath, laddie. No one gives a damn."

Neji gave a nonchalant shrug, "I don't care if they don't care, and nor do I care if anyone cares; for that matter. It's just a matter of my opinion, pirate."

Sasuke grinned. "Touché," his sword darted towards the blacksmith's stomach and, quite predictably, Neji dodged. Damn, this boy was better than he had thought.

"You're good," the ravenette stated, aiming yet another blow; which was in turn blocked, "Who taught you?"

Neji thinned his lips in concentration. "I taught myself."

Sasuke snorted with disbelief, his relaxed body contrasting to the Hyuuga's stiff one, "You taught yourself how to fight? And this well, too? Honestly, you need a woman," he said, giving the boy a concerned look, "You're _really_ not a eunuch, are you?"

The blacksmith bared his teeth. "Why do you have such a damnable fixation on my groin's status?!" In his anger, he momentarily lost his footing, and plummeted back to the workshop floor, landing on a bag of shavings. He hastily leapt back up, watching as Sasuke descended as well.

"Ah, no reason," the captain smirked at Neji, "Just the idea that I go by- 'All men should be satisfied.'"

Neji growled. "I'm satisfied by my swords!" He winced; that _really_ had come out wrong. "I mean... Whatever!" He lunged towards Sasuke once again, narrowing his eyes when he was parried with ease once again. He was fighting against someone he probably had no chance of beating.

And it was true, the pirate moved with grace and a poise that Neji couldn't compete with.

"Like I said," the raven-haired pirate repeated, a condescending smirk tugging his lips, "_you_ need a _woman_, mate."

Neji scowled as his sword was pushed out of his hands and he found himself weaponless. He sprinted across the room to the fire and withdrew a red-hot, more-poker-than-sword chunk of metal. "Come and get it, _pirate_."

Sasuke's smirk dropped, and he eyes the branding device with a look of distaste. But, he fought on anyway, and as his sword collided with the fiery metal, sparks danced about anywhere.

"You really are persistent, you know that? You _could _have just let me on my merry way," the pirate reached behind him to a bag of granules, and clenched it in his fist, "but you just had to be an arrogant bastard about it." He pushed hard on the sack and sand flew into his opponent's eyes. "Like I said," He watched as Neji crumpled to the floor, clutching his eyes, "_Never_ cross swords with a pirate."

Neji, who was finally regaining his sight to see, when to retort when he suddenly saw the Uchiha's pose go rigid. "Erm..?"

"Howsiedussies..." The captain muttered.

And he was out.

Neji prodded the pirate with his foot, nudging him a few times in the ribs. And, when the man showed no signs of waking, he turned to his attacker. Lo and behold, it was the good-for-nothing blacksmith.

He almost wouldn't have believed it, had not the evidence been lying prostrate next to his feet. God-dammit! After everything he'd done to keep the pirate from escaping, his fucking employer was going to get all the credit.

Neji watched as that hideous Commodore -Sakura, was it?- barge in, a troop of soldiers behind her... him... Whatever.

"Good job, sir," they nodded to the blacksmith, who shrugged as if it was nothing. Neji's brows furrowed. No one gave him the credit, again.

"Remember this day," the commodore stated, "as the day we _almost_ lost Captain Sasuke Uchiha."

* * *

It wasn't many a day that you could find hardened Governor Jiraiya Uzumaki holding someone as they cried, and still managing to look serious about it. This, however, was one of those times. "There, there, Naruto... I mean... You're _pretty_... You can't help that." He patted the boy on the back and tightened his hold on his son.

Naruto clung to the man, tears streaming down his tanned face, "B-But, h-he was s-s-so..!" He clung to his father tighter.

"There are people like that in the world, Naruto." The white-haired man sighed, shifting his position on his bed so that he was leaning up against the headboard. "You're going to encounter a lot more of them in your lifetime, with what good looks you have. It simply can't be helped." His eyes widened as the boy's sobbing increased. "I mean, it can be helped. You can dress like a fugly and hope no one recognizes you!" He inwardly congratulated himself on his suave recovery.

Naruto's nose scrunched up in disgust, he couldn't help but object to that, "I'm too pretty to be ugly..I don't want to be ugly!" he wailed his large, blue eyes watering up some more. There was no helping the vain.

Jiraiya sighed. "Then you're stuck with it, love. Just be thankful he didn't want to go farther."

Naruto stiffened, but then nodded solemnly; releasing his father from his own vice-like grip.

"I guess I lucky... I mean, if he _had_ tried to molest me... I'd have been done-for, huh?" One small hand came up to wipe the tears away from his cerulean blue eyes, and he placed his head back up against his father's chest. "I'm so glad they caught him, daddy..."

Jiraiya smiled, and ran his hand through his son's blond locks, further trying to relax him, "Yes, it really is good. And trust me, he will pay.."

"Well..." Naruto huffed, snuggling against the man and positioning himself so that his ear was over Jiraiya's heartbeat. "He saved me... Doesn't that count for _something_?"

The white-haired man frowned, "Sorry, but no. He's committed too many crimes to be let free.."

"Like what?" The boy asked, ceasing in his effort get more comfortable, as he had found the perfect spot, cradled by strong arms and a broad chest. He always felt a bit like a baby when he did this, but his father was so reassuring...

"Well," Jiraiya ran a hand through his whitened hair, "one of them I know off of the top of my head, the other's I don't. All I know, is that he impersonated a royal official in England, and ended up looting over ten-thousand schillings.. Not so clear on the details, though. Oh," Jiraiya brightened, remembering another, "he's also wanted for selling women."

Naruto stiffened, his sniffles beginning again. "That's _awful_! You mean..." He hesitated. He'd never been one to speak freely of sexual matters. The blond's voice dropped an octave. "You mean, like, into prostitution?"

"Yes," Jiraiya's frown deepened, "He's violated the most beautiful of women, and that is a crime that I absolutely cannot forgive," Jiraiya's eye glowed with intense emotion, and he balled his fists in the air.

"Do you..." The boy began. "Do you think, that if Sakura and you hadn't shown up when you did... Would he have done the same thing to me?" He buried his face in his father's hard chest, smiling at the comforting paternal nature the man radiated.

"Yes, I supposed so. That's why I was so afraid," the man responded. And when he felt his son's body go rigid, he gave a nervous chuckle, "I mean, no.. That's preposterous!"

Naruto sniffled. "You liar... Bloody liar..." He shifted a bit, letting Jiraiya place his snowy head atop his own.

"Ah," Jiraiya guiltily agreed, "But, you're safe now; and that's all that matters."

"I know... But are all pirates like that?" The almost-child asked, voice now a bit sleepy. He'd been through quite the ordeal today, and it was beginning to show. "What about all those legendary, kind pirates?..." He trailed off, yawning.

"I haven't encountered enough pirates to give you a definitive answer," Jiraiya stated, rubbing his son on the back, "But, I would suppose there were.."

Naruto smiled. "Well good... You know, I love you, father?" He tightened his hold around the man and waited for a reply.

The man was startled by the sudden terms of endearment, but he smiled, "Me too, son. Now, go to bed, ya' brat."

"Be here when I wake up, right?" Eyes drooping, the blond could barely piece together a coherent sentence. He let his father press a kiss to the top of his head. "Carry me to my room?"

"Feh, lazy," Jiraiya rolled his eyes, "I guess I have to carry a full-grown teenager to his room, eh?"

"But you love me, don't you?" Naruto's voice was getting dimmer as time passed on.

"Yeah, yeah," Jiraiya lifted the boy up and, carrying him in a bridal fashion, he slowly made his way to his sons room; all the while, muttering about how annoying brats could be.

* * *

A whistle sounded throughout the lonely depths of the prison, disturbing the once-hallowed quiet. "Here, doggy, doggy, doggy..." A hoarse voice and a crumpled-looking hand edged out from between the cell bars. "Look see... I got a pretty bone for the likes of ya'..."

"Oh, seriously," a deep, attractive voice started, "Just give it up, the dog's _not_ going to come. It's kind of a bugger, your voices."

As if to agree, the scraggly mutt whined and trotted off, keys rubbing raw around its matted-fur neck.

The other inmate groaned. "Look see, now, mate, you've gone and jinxed the bloody dog!"

The figure shrugged, "Never done a deed that can go by unpunished," he sighed woefully, mocking the others.

"Whassat supposed to mean?" A gangly man in the cell opposite asked. "You tryin' to start somethin'?"

"An' what if I am?" the other's brow raised, and he stared the other two with a playful eye.

Infuriated, apparently, the first inmate balled his fist. "I'll just have to take care of it, then!"

"Okay, then. Just, shimmy your way through the bars, and we'll be fit and dandy," the man winked, shooting a playful smirk towards the others.

"So you're a wise-guy, huh?" The second man remarked. "Don't worry. Enough time here'll take that outta ya."

But the figure didn't answer, for he seemed to had fallen asleep; his thin, yet muscular, figure lying comfortably on the rough, wooden bench.

The other inmate remarked to the second, "He's an arrogant bastard, huh?"

"You got that right," the other hissed, his dead-looking eyes glaring at the sleeping figure.

Several hours passed in this gossipy manner, Inmate Number One conspiring with Inmate Number Two on how to make Sasuke's life living hell.

The two men were disrupted when a 'boom' thundered throughout the air.

That also happened to awaken the slumbering ravenette, who quirked a dark eyebrow. When another resounding 'boom' filled the air, Sasuke's eyes widened, "I know those cannons," he fled to the barred window, and couldn't resist a smirk.

"So they've come to rescue me?" True indeed, the Mangekyou, Sasuke Uchiha's prized ship, could be seen, silhouetted by the moonlight in the harbor..

"You know who they are," the other two pirates gazed at Sasuke, who nodded eagerly.

"Yep." The Captain nodded, more than quite a bit self-inflated. "They're my crew, come to spring me from this mess."

The two men looked at him in awe, suddenly respecting the man in his entire being.

"Y-you think you could take us with you?" The first man started, leering at him with awe in his gaze.

Sasuke smirked, "I thought I was an 'arrogant bastard'," he chirped turning to the men, "Who'd wanna board with a bastard?"

"B-But, we're pirates, mate! We stick together, through thick and thin!"

"Hn," Sasuke turned away, "I don't know.." But before he could answer, a shattering noise was heard from the other cell. A cannon had torn a gaping hole onto the side of that wall.

"So..." He began, grinning awkwardly, "you think you could let me out with you, and I'll let you onto my crew?"

The other two smirked at the now-pleading man, "Luck's not with you, jinxy."

Sasuke sighed, leaning up against the stone wall. "I suppose I had that one coming." He watched, mournful, as the other inmates crawled out of the jail and he was left terribly, terribly alone.

And then, he remembered, the dog. He crawled over to the bars, grabbing a hold of the bone. He stuck his hand out, waving the bone in a flirting matter.

"Heeere, doggy, doggy doggy.. Heeere, doggy, doggy, doggy."

Non too surprising, it didn't work. Hm. Maybe he shouldn't have scorned those men for trying- karma was a bitch.

"Dirty, mangy mutt," Sasuke mumbled, fiddling with the bone in his hands.

The dog whined, pinning its ears to the back of its head. It walked off, keys jingling in an ever-chanting tune.

"Bastard dogs.."

* * *

Perhaps it was just one of "those" nights, but after Jiraiya had put him to bed, Naruto found that he couldn't sleep. Maybe it was those cannon-blasts coming from the harbor- probably the damn Navy practicing again.

And then he heard it; screams of utter terror from the streets below. His eyes widened, and he rushed to his window.

People were being sliced down as they ran, mongrel pirates gallivanting through the streets. Naruto could feel his heart stop just a bit, and he nearly jumped out of his skin when someone slammed the door open.

"Father!" Naruto rushed to the large man, wrapping his slim arms around his waist, "What's happening!?"

The Governor sighed. "Pirate attack, Naruto... I'm going to go out and talk to Commodore Haruno- you stay here, okay? Hide if pirates come, alright?" He gave his son a warning look, one that said all too well, 'You're pretty, and an awful lot of pirates are like that Sasuke fellow.'

"Right, father," Naruto nodded, running off to find his maid, Moegi.

Jiraiya ran a large hand through his hair. Dammit, he was getting to old for this.

Naruto, on the other hand, wasn't too old for this. Heck, he had no idea what was going on! He rushed to Moegi, who was on her way to see him.

"Moegi! You've got to come with me and hide! Father's off to see Sakura, and he told us to make sure the pirates couldn't find us!" He grabbed her hand and they began to sprint back down the halls to her room, freezing in fear as they heard the hall door being slammed open- Jiraiya'd just left, and there was no reason why he would come back.

Two pirates, one fat, one lanky, had burst through the door. And shooting down the unsuspecting door handler, they began to run around aimlessly; seeming to be in search or something.

"Come on, sir! We have to get to your room..." Naruto nodded, and the two raced down the hall, panting once they had reached their destination. The maid industriously barricaded the door with a fire-poker and a chair, before whispering to her master, "Sir, I've heard that they force the men to work on their ships as slaves... They..." She gulped, face red. "They treat the women nice, though... Or as nice as a pirate can be... I was thinking, sire, we should dress you up as a woman again, so's..." She trailed off, scurrying to the closet and returning with a slip, the brassiere, and a corset. "Sir, I want what's best for you! Now let me put these on!"

Naruto hesitated, thinking back to what Jiraiya had told him about the Captain Sasuke. He bit his lip, his mind reeling, before he saw the look of fear in his maid's eyes.

"Sir!" She insisted.

Naruto nodded, disrobing in record time. He barely paid attention as she slipped the fake breasts over him, and then began to tighten his waist with the corset. His heart was racing, and all his mind power was steered toward listening for the pirates- it was better when you knew what was coming.

The dressing took a short amount of time, Moegi working fiercely against her fear and dressing the boy in the appropriate attire. And when she finished, Naruto was once again a woman.

"Now, sir... Remember, don't act like man... I like you, Mr. Naruto. I've worked for your family a long time, since I could walk, basically, and I want the best for you, like I've already sa-" she broke off as the two heard a knocking on the door.

"Don't be a bunch of troublesome bimbos," a monotone voice drawled out from behind the doors. Naruto jumped.

They knew they were in here! "Hide!" he hissed, running to crouch in his closet. Moegi nodded, withdrawing the bed-warmer from the fireplace and standing behind the door in an aggressive stance.

And when the two pirates from before finally burst through (thanks to the large one, Naruto thought sourly), the maid released the hot coals from inside said bed warmer. They fell upon the skinnier one, who let out gasps of pain.

"Get off me, Chouji, you fat ass!" He snarled. The chubby man complied, leaping off his companion with no great mount of finesse.

"Sorry, mate," the fatter one, Chouji, apologized; bowing his larger body. The other one scowled, then turned to the attacker, "What was that for, you troublesome woman?"

She thinned her lips. "You're pirates. " She supplied. "Do I need more of a reason to defend my home and my ma-" she trailed off, catching herself.

"Your, what?" The thinner one raised an eyebrow, "Master?"

"I meant..." The maid looked down at her feet, shoulders falling. "Sorry, Miranda..."

The thin one nodded slowly. "Heh, Chouji, take her outside while I look for this... _Miranda_..."

"Aye, Shika," Chouji grabbed the woman, dragging her out of the building.

Shikamaru looked around the room, searching for any hint of another's presence. And then he saw it, the upturning of a corner of the rug.

He smirked, heading near the closet where the rug was. "Come on, _Miranda_. Your maid's already outed you, so how's about we make this easy and you come with me?"

There were no movements, no sounds. Shikamaru sighed, women are so.. He wasn't even going to get started. His strolled his way over to the closet, opening the door.

God-damn, why were the pretty ones always the most troublesome? She had full lips, trim waist, and a good chest, not to mention blond hair and stunning blue eyes.

"W-what are you going to do to me?" Her voice quavered and Shikamaru almost felt bad. Almost.

"Tch," Shikamaru rolled his eyes, shrugging. He was about to say something, when the blond stood up, fierce look in his eye.

"I-I want to request parlay."

* * *

Naruto'd never exactly _seen_ a pirate ship up close before, but his awe and curiosity was stifled somewhat by the fact that a rather disturbing number of crew members were jeering at him, shouting crude, and mostly sexual, comments.

He was tempted to just forget the whole 'woman' thing, and curse every man on this ship out, but a deep voice stopped him from doing so.

"Hush up, the lot of ya'," a pale man with fiery red hair stated, his flat gaze shifting from person to person.

The blond glanced around, watching as everyone shut their mouths. This must be the captain, then. He wanted to speak, but he'd read in books that in parlay, the captain was to speak first.

The Captain walked up to the blond, his eyes surveying Naruto with hungry eyes. "And what do we owe this pleasure," his emerald eyes were playfully still looking over the boy.

"I want you to leave this island, let me leave this ship," Naruto stated, his voice firm.

The Captain smirked, "And, what would make you think that we will oblige to these terms?"

"The love and respect of a beautiful woman?" Naruto shot him a dazzling smile, all to which the man chuckled.

"I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request," the redhead stated, his smirk only broadening.

Naruto's mind reeled. "I do have something else, that your little friend Mr. Uchiha seemed to have a vested interest in." He reached inside his bosom, and glared at all the men jeering. "This," the blond turned a gold chain, with a swastika pendant on it over and over in his hands. "Want it?"

The crew's eyes went wide, and they unconsciously took a step forward. Naruto, seeing their reaction, smirked himself.

"And," Gaara said, a fake smile plastered on his face, "what makes you think we want that?" He turned to the crew, who gave belated laughter.

Naruto smirked. "Well_, love_, like I said before, Sasuke Uchiha wanted it, and as he is a pirate like yourself, I would assume the desire was mutual."

"Ah," the man chuckled, "you're mistaken. Sasuke is nothing more than a simpleton, love. There is nothing common between real pirates, and that man."

Naruto shifted on his feet, and glanced about. "Well," he darted the the edge of the ship before anyone could hinder him, and dangled the necklace overboard. "Well, I suppose you won't mind if I just drop this, will you know?"

The men looked apprehensive, but stood their ground. A few of them were nervously hopping about, though.

The redhead narrowed his eyes. "Ah, lassy, if you throw that overboard what would stop us from blowing your pretty little brains right out, eh?" He began to creep forward, like a fighting tiger.

"Ah," Naruto nodded, "Fair enough. But, there's still the chance you'll kill me anyway.. So," he held his hand back overboard, the chain dangling, "I'll drop it anyway."

"Now, don't do that, love." The Captain stepped forwards, hands fanned out in a placating motion. "We'll let you off the ship if you'll just give us that, eh?"

Naruto looked him over, trying to sense if there was any momentum for him to disbelieve the man. But, his eyes were emotionless, and Naruto sighed. And so, taking the man's word, he slowly handed over the medallion.

"All right, hun. You can get off our ship now." The fiery-headed pirate grinned, walking forward."Just go ahead and go, 'kay, and we'll all be on our merry way."

"Erm," Naruto fidgeted, "how?"

The Captain chuckled. "How else? Swim, love." He cocked an eyebrow, sidling up beside the blond and wrapping an arm around his waist. "Unless you'd rather stay with me, that is..."

Naruto mentally cursed over the fact that he wasn't able to swim. He turned back up, and gave the man a large grin, "I can't.. really.. swim?"

"Well then," the tall man sneered, "Looks like you and me have a date in my cabin, don't me?" He turned to face the crew. "All right, lads! We're pulling off!" The pirates scurried to obey their leader's orders and Naruto was left alone with the captain.

"What's your name, m'lady," the redheaded man asked, taking a seat in a chair.

"M-Miranda..." Naruto stuttered. If he were to tell the pirate he was nobility... Not such a good course of action. "M-Miranda Hyuuga. May I ask _your _name, good sir?"

The man's face took upon a whole new expression, and he suddenly smirked at Naruto, "Well then. I guess it's only fair, my name's Captain Gaara Sabaku."

Naruto gulped. He didn't like "Gaara's" visage in the least- he felt like a minnow in the face of a shark. "So, erm... What I supposed to do if you're not going to drop me back off by land?"

"Well," Gaara fiddled with the medallion in his possession, "you can hang around with us for a bit. Is that alright?"

"What would I be expected to... _do_?..." The blond hesitantly sat down across from the Captain and folded his hands in his lap.

"Ah," Gaara tapped his chin, "Nothing much. Just, we have to go repay a debt, and you can shimmy along with us."

Naruto's fine eyebrow rose. "And I'm to expect you're going to let me tag along without wanting anything in return, is that it?" Flashes of his and his father's conversation that had occurred the night before, and he flinched at the thought of being sold into prostitution.

"Oh," the man drawled out, "don't worry your pretty little head off."

"Because pirates such as yourself are gentlemen, is that it?" Naruto was beginning to feel a little sick- he hadn't been on a ship in ages, and now that it was sailing, the fact was making itself well apparent. The tightly-drawn corset _really_ was not helping matters, either, come to think of it.

"_Exactly_," Gaara smirked, resting his chin on his left hand.

Well," The blond said slowly, "where I supposed to... _stay_... on this wonderful ship of yours?"

"Well," the man said, "you're always invited to stay with me."

Naruto's eyes widened. "I _knew _it!" He exploded, "I just _knew _it! You _are_ one of those bloody, immoral, woman-using bastards just like Mr. Uchiha!"

"Woman," he raised an invisible brow, "you need to settle yourself down."

Naruto balled his fists and blew air out his fine nose so hard, that if he had put any more force behind it, it would be classified as a grunt. "Gah! You're telling me to settle down, when you _quite clearly_ want to take advantage of me!" He bristled and shrieked, "Just... Just... Agh!"

"It was a joke," Gaara stated, his tone flat.

The blond huffed. "Then _where_ I supposed to stay?" He crossed his arms underneath the orbs on his sternum and waited for a reply.

"The chambers across the deck," he stated nonchalantly, waving his hand at her, "Unless, you want to stay with the crew?"

Naruto shivered. "What makes you think I'd want to stay with those brutes?" He smiled. "Thank you, though. You're being quite hospitable when the occasion calls for something quite worse."

"Well, as I said before I'm not like that low life of a pirate, Sasuke Uchiha."

Leaning forward, the boy placed his hand on his chin. "What makes you call him a low-life? My father says he trafficked women- is that true?"

"To put it bluntly, yes. But, they did it of their own accord," Gaara started, "They went out there on a whim, for Uchiha."

"He didn't seem all that charming to _me_," Naruto grumbled. "He was going to make me..." He looked down, glaring at the deck.

All of a sudden, Gaara was interested, "Make you, what?"

"Well, he _removed_ my dress and corset, quite without my permission... And when Commodore Haruno came to assist me, he threatened my life and was about to molest me, had not the Commodore interfered." Naruto swallowed.

"Molest you, dearie?" Gaara didn't believe her, Sasuke didn't just run around, raping women. They easily succumbed to him, about right after they look into his eyes.

"Yes!" Naruto cried. "You don't believe me?"

"Not really, poppet."

"But... Then why'd he remove my corset, huh? Or my dress? And he was practically _eyeing_..." Naruto flushed. "My bosom." He shot out.

"Well," Gaara started, "why was he even around you, in the first place?"

The blond coughed. "I fell off a cliff..." He muttered. "Mr. Uchiha took it upon himself to... rescue me. And then threaten my life!"

"Threatened your life?" Gaara was about ready to laugh, "Why would he save you, then try to kill you? It's all a bit on the nonsensical side, if you ask me.."

"He wanted his damnable hat back..." Naruto averted his gaze from the Captain, feeling quite foolish. "So he held gun to my head and threatened to blow my forehead out."

Gaara chuckled, _that_ sounded exactly like the Uchiha, "Ah, I see. Did he get his pretty little hat back?"

"Yes..." The blond smiled, glancing up. "But he's in jail now and I'm happy of it! I hope he _rots _there!"

"The great, uncatchable Sasuke Uchiha, in jail?"

"Yes," Naruto smirked. "He was defeated by a drunken blacksmith... That's not too 'great', is it?"

Gaara bit his lip, "What, now?"

"The idiot sought refuge in a blacksmith's shop, and the owner cracked him over the head with a liquor bottle." The blond sighed, shaking his head. "Makes you wonder what pirates are coming to.."

That made Gaara angry, "Not all pirates are babbling idiots. No, most of us are men with high ambitions; seeking to tame the sea and learn all her secrets."

"Yes, well, I do believe there's only _one _type of man that will personify the ocean, don't you agree, Captain Sabaku?" Naruto grinned. "I think I'm tired..."

"You may very well go to bed," Gaara mumbled, "But, don't scream when you leave these doors."

Naruto stood up. "Meaning?" He made his way across the deck, to the rooms the Captain had nodded he was to stay in.

Gaara replied gruffly, "Let's just say there are things that might scare a woman such as yourself, aye?"

Naruto rolled his eyes, "I'm much tougher than you're imagining me to be!"

"Look, love," The Captain sauntered over. "You're what, maybe five feet tall? One-hundred-ten pounds, I'd assume. Forgive me, but that's not exactly threatening... Besides, you're a woman. I'm no chauvinist, but in my experience, they're much less resilient than men."

Naruto wanted so badly to just lift up his dressings and show him that he was _actually_ a man. But, he didn't know what that Gaara figure would do if he did so, "Good night, sir," he forced out through gritted teeth, giving a small, curt curtsy.

And with that, night crept upon the ship known as The Mangekyou.

* * *

Sasuke passed that evening with a mixture of fear and boredom- trust that damn bastard Gaara _not _to come and rescue him. He sighed, rolling over on the wooden cot. "Doggy? Sweet doggy... Mother of God, dog, just _come here_!"

He jumped when another, human, voice was interjected into the fray. "I'm not a dog, Mr. Uchiha."

Nervously, he spun around to see the wonderful Mr. Uzumaki from earlier today.

"'Ello, good sir," Sasuke bowed his head and folded his hands, giving the man a small smile.

The Governor scowled, brandishing a set of keys and affixing them within the lock. "Don't think I'm doing this because I _like _you, Mr. Uchiha, because I most assuredly do not. The fact of the matter is, my niece has been kidnapped by pirates and I wish for you to go and find her."

"And what makes _you_ think I know where they are headed?" Sasuke looked up boredly at the ceiling.

"If I remember correctly, you used to captain the ship that the pirates are on. I'd think you'd have some idea of where they are setting off to."

"But, what's in it for me? I want some benefit for doing this," Sasuke looked at the man with a humourous look, his dark eyes flashing with laughter. Jiraiya had to scowl.

The man replied, "You won't be hung for it, and I'll have the bounty on your head removed."

"Ah," Sasuke nodded, "I guess I have no choice, eh?"

Chuckling, Jiraiya grinned savagely. "No, quite right you don't." With his enormous strength, the man accomplished a feat even Sasuke didn't think he would be capable of doing- swinging open the incredibly rusted iron doors as if it were nothing. For once, the Captain found himself grateful he wasn't on the Governor's bad side.

With eyes still widened, he turned to the Governor, "And who is going to help crew my ship? And for that matter," Sasuke gave him a look, "I need a ship.."

"I suppose... I can turn a blind eye as you make off with the ship you were eyeing earlier." Jiraiya's dark eyes were a bit more companionable than before. "And... Young Neji Hyuuga shall be your crew." The man smirked and gave Sasuke a hand-up as the Captain sat. "Is that satisfactory, _mate_?"

"I guess so," Sasuke itched his nose, "So, I'm sailing with the eunuch?"

The two began to exit the jail. "Yes. And he is a eunuch why?"

"Oh, you poor, simple man," Sasuke shot the man an apologetic look and patted him on the shoulder.

Jiraiya sniffed. "I neither poor, nor simple, Mr. Uchiha." They entered the street and Sasuke had to suppress a gasp. Damn- Gaara and his mates had been shamefully destructive to Port Konoha. Buildings were smoldering and the dead lay in the street, unattended and forgotten.

"Looks like they pulled a tiny number on these babies, doesn't it, Gov'nah?"

The man shot him a sideways look which clearly said, 'I didn't understand that.'

"They almost completely destroyed your town, sir," Sasuke said coldly. He absolutely despised repeating himself, and it showed.

Scowling, Jiraiya replied, "Forgive me if I do not comprehend your brute speak, Mr. Uchiha." The two walked in silence the rest of the length to the docks, and Sasuke breathed out in awe when he saw the ship he was to be heading. Almost as beautiful as the Mangekyou. Almost.

This wonderful mood was shattered, however, when he was his crew mate sitting on the deck, cross-legged, an absolutely infuriating smile on his face.

Sasuke sauntered up to the man, and gave him a cold stare, "'Ello, eunuch," he spat, his dark eyes daring him to make any comment.

Jiraiya, following behind him, looked appalled when Neji leapt to his feet in challenge. "Boys! Please, try to act like men, huh? My niece needs saving!"

Neji immediately backed down, and Sasuke smirked, "Ah, I see now.."

"_What_?" The blacksmith snapped over his shoulder.

Sighing like a lovestruck schoolgirl, the other man shaped a woman in the air with his hands. "Looks like someone has an ickle crushling! Aw! So the eunuch's not quite so much as one as I had thought!" He cast the boy a pitying glance directed at his groin. "So they left a little stub, did they?"

Neji twitched at the immaturity of the man before him. This bumbling moron was supposed to captain _him_? There was no way in hell. Neji unsheathed his sword and aimed it at the Uchiha's face, still in an angry twitch.

"_BOYS!_" Jiraiya was rather scary when got irritated and his face was a perfect illustration of that. Both younger men quieted immediately.

"Sorry, Mr. Uzumaki, Governor, lord, sir," Sasuke bowed his head, looking up at the man with a sheepish glint in his eyes. Neji bowed as well, but said nothing.

The white-haired-man cleared his throat. "So I take it you have everything you need for such an expedition?"

"No," Sasuke stared at him in disbelief, "I need more crewsmen than him."

Jiraiya coughed. "Unfortunately, this isn't sanctioned by the court. Neji is the only one I trust enough to allow to go with you. I'm afraid he's all you have, my dear Mr. Uchiha." He gave a sickeningly saccharine smile.

"Oh, Governor, I'm honoured," Sasuke gave him a smirk, "To think, only hours ago you wanted to kill me for piracy; and now, you've just committed it to _save_ me."

"Don't feel too flattered," Jiraiya grumbled. "So I'm going to ask again. Do you have everything you'll need?"

"I need your niece," Sasuke winked, as he clicked his tongue.

The Governor leveled a glare with him. "Try anything like what you did at the dock, and I _will_ have you flying in in the air by a six-foot-rope, do you understand me, Mr. Uchiha?"

"Ah, fair enough," Sasuke winked at the governor and pulled on the Hyuuga's hair, "Let's go, you mangy thing!"

Jiraiya stepped off of the ship and saluted. "God speed, gentlemen."

* * *

**Review **for our effort, anyone?

**Edit-o:** The 'am' was taking out of many words, and were now placed back in. Please, forgive Ffnet, for they are dumb-faces. (:


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